mchn

i fell in love in the first place -- never blame me.

loser and all that -- now what else can people see me as? a desperate impotent ex-lover? impotent because i did not make any move after all? that i let these things happen? that i just accepted it as if it was not a big deal? as if it won't hurt? well then, yes, i am impotent. i am weak.

let me suffer, because i want to. let me drown in my anguish. let me feel the agony that this break-up has brought me. yes, i still can't move on. i can't move on and i cant do anything about it. i tried injuring myself: breaking my knuckles thru punching walls, slamming my body on the floor, and everything else that an ordinary woman cant physically do when she's in pain. i was hoping that these could be more painful than what my heart feels, but i was wrong. i tried taking up bottles of beast just to forget, but they only last for minutes. the memories haunt me, and these suck because it pains me so much. the truth has conquered me, the truth that your heart desires another, but anger pushes it away from me as if i dont want to accept it.

You made me believe we would be forever, but it was all a lie. it hurts. it never really was. i dont have anything else to do but to let myself rocked. everyone knows that i am a bitter person, but i have to say this, no lies, only pains: I AM ALRIGHT, JUST STAY HAPPY. HOPE *** CAN GIVE YOU HAPPINESS WHICH I WAS NOT ABLE TO GIVE YOU. remember what i said about a chance for friendship? that we cant be friends if im still this much in love with you? well maybe we can still be friends. but as much as possible, i dont wanna get close to you, i dont want any GULO.

**i just lost two important pieces of me: my loved one, and a friend [that's bullsh*t daug!]

to my dear friends: c'mon guys, this is nothing. you may say 'ano ka ba michan wag kang bitter' but again, don't blame me if i am like this. as i've said, i just fell in love in the first place. if i'll be living my whole life like this, just let me. but i'll promise you will never see me cry. i wont [ayako maawa kayo sakin. hiyang-hiya na ako sa inyo]. i just want you to know that you guys are the best men in the world. i love you all. thank you.

well as for me? i'll just make myself busy with whatever i become interested in. actually this post is just the concoction of all the emotions i have felt since christmas [npk-jurasic kc ng blog ko kya ngaun ko ln nlagay ung mga dpt mtgl ko n pinost]. as of now, OK AKO. hehe... fineel ko lang pageenglish ko. dami cgro wrong gramar? e pake nio? hehe... cge.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.ü

Currently listening to: helena - my chemical romance
Currently reading: greetings. i have blah...
Currently watching: none
Currently feeling: hungry

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

Currently listening to: lifehouse
Currently reading: none
Currently watching: none
Currently feeling: sick